A wedding where I could not face the meal

Started 22 April 2026 · 14 replies · 100 hearts · read 1.8k times

GildaTrieste, IT · 22 April 2026

3 months ago

Starting a thread on this because it keeps coming up in ones and twos: A wedding where I could not face the meal

The logistics of this are defeating me more than the medicine is.

The arrangements are the hard bit for me. Nothing medical has been difficult; the organising has been relentless.

My household has adjusted to about half of this and the other half is causing small daily friction that I have not known how to raise.

This is the boring administrative kind of problem, which I gather is the kind that actually gets solved when you ask.

Thanks in advance. Practical detail welcome, however dull — the duller the better, honestly.

GwilymCaernarfon, UK

What surprised me was how many restaurants happily did a smaller portion when asked quietly. I had assumed it would be a problem.

OttiHarrogate, UK

Gwilym has already said most of this and I want to add the one part that was different for me.

I found the anticipation harder than the event, every time, which is a pattern I now recognise across most of this.

NoorFacilitatorSingapore

Facilitator note: nothing in this circle is medical advice and the practical arrangements still need agreeing with whoever prescribes for you.

10me too 9

DelphiThessaloniki, GR

The wine question comes up in this circle a lot and mine changed considerably, and having something else in the glass removed the discussion.

KateBelfast, NI

The buffet is the one I still find difficult, because there is no natural boundary and I have to make one up.

Bell ANorwich, UK

I ask for a box now without any embarrassment, which is a small thing that changed the whole experience of eating out.

WystanCheltenham, UK

Bell A, thank you for that. It gives me somewhere to start from.

Something that helped was going out at lunchtime instead of the evening, because my appetite is much more reliable earlier in the day.

NolCork, IE

My rule is that I go for the company. If I eat, good; if I do not, that is also fine, and reframing it that way fixed most of my anxiety.

4me too 5

AmbroseYork, UK

What Bell A described happened to me too, in a slightly different order.

My experience is that this got easier in month eight and has been unremarkable since. It is genuinely a phase for most people.

TavitaApia, WS

#10

I found the guides here on this more useful than anything else, because they treat it as a social problem rather than a nutritional one.

7me too 4

NkosiJohannesburg, ZA

#11

My partner orders something we can share when he senses it is a difficult evening, without ever making it a thing, and it is quietly brilliant.

PerryCardigan, UK

#12

Building on what Tavita wrote rather than answering the original question.

I had one genuinely bad evening early on where I felt unwell at the table, and having a plan for that now means I am not braced for it.

8me too 6

NoorFacilitatorSingapore

#13

Stepping in to say what happens here when somebody describes a very tight situation: they get answered without a trace of judgement. That is not luck, it is the habit of the room, and it is worth protecting.

GildaTrieste, IT

#14

Something practical: I sit near the end of the table if I can, because it is much easier to be less observed there.