Off it for eight months and considering going back

I stopped twice. The first time badly and alone, the second time properly and with support. The second one is the one I would describe as coming off.

If you are reading this while deciding, the only thing I would push on is: is anybody clinical in the loop. Everything else is genuinely yours to weigh.

I came off because of cost, not because of anything clinical, and it took me a long time to say that without embarrassment. It is an extremely common reason and it is not a moral failing.

I would have written the same thing a year ago, word for word.

My reason was that I no longer wanted to be doing it, which felt like an insufficient reason until my prescriber said it was a perfectly good one.

The thing that made it manageable was that nothing about the decision was final. Reviewing it in three months was always an option and knowing that took the weight out of it.

The grief part surprised me. I had not expected to grieve a medication and I did, for about a month, and then it passed.

I would say do not stop in a difficult week if you can possibly help it. My decision was sound and the timing was terrible and the timing is what made it hard.

What I noticed after stopping was that the habits stayed longer than I expected and then quietly went. That was useful information about which habits had been mine.

I came off during a pregnancy, on advice, and it was straightforward clinically and complicated emotionally, and I did not find anywhere to say that until this circle.

Mine was a planned stop with my prescriber over about four months. Having a plan made the difference between a decision and a collapse.

I would gently suggest keeping your journal going through the stopping. Mine is the only reason I know what actually happened in those months rather than what I remember happening.