The funeral food, and everyone watching

Something I did not expect was guilt about the ordinary days. The first afternoon I forgot for two hours was very hard.

Nerys, answering your question directly rather than going round the houses.

My appetite came back before my interest in food did, and those turned out to be two different things arriving separately.

I found the physical exhaustion of it startling. Nobody had told me grief was tiring in that specific bodily way.

March is still difficult and it is now the third March and it is less difficult than the first two. That is the whole of what I can offer.

Nothing useful, just that I have been exactly here.

The eating came back slowly and unevenly and I stopped monitoring it, which was the thing that let it come back.

Coming back a year on to say that eating is ordinary again, that the grief is not gone, and that both of those things can be true.