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Grief and eating

People bring casseroles and I cannot face them

Started 8 December 2025 · 10 replies · 85 hearts · read 1.7k times

NoraDublin, IE · 8 December 2025
7 months ago

Starting a thread on this because it keeps coming up in ones and twos: People bring casseroles and I cannot face them

This is a difficult one to write and I have deleted it twice.

What I would find useful is knowing whether anybody else has felt this way about it, because from inside my own head it seems like an unreasonable reaction.

I am aware this may be about something older than any of this, and that is part of what I am trying to work out by writing it down.

That is all. Thank you for being the kind of place where this can be written down.

28

TiborBratislava, SK
#1

Six weeks in was harder than the first week for me. Everybody had gone back to their lives and I was still in mine.

11

BronwenBarry, UK
#2

Eating went completely for about a fortnight and my GP was more concerned about that than I was, and she was right to be.

8

WrenFacilitatorLeeds, UK
#3

Facilitator note: nothing in this circle is treatment and nothing here is advice. The people who know your history are the ones to speak to.

7

NerysRhyl, UK
#4

People bring food. That is what happens, and for the first month I could not eat any of it and I felt terrible about the waste and the kindness.

10me too 7

OsgarKillarney, IE
#5

My family all handled it differently and food was where our differences showed up, which I had not anticipated at all.

8

BibiRabat, MA
#6

Thank you. Genuinely.

7

MaudGhent, BE
#7

Picking up Osgar’s point rather than starting a new one.

What I would say is do not make big decisions in the first three months. I nearly did and I am very glad I did not.

9me too 3

NoraDublin, IE
#8

Reading old threads in this circle at four in the morning was, for a while, the only thing that helped, and I never posted once.

6

WrenFacilitatorLeeds, UK
#9

I am going to name that this thread has drifted into comparison. That happens without anybody intending it and it does not help. Back to the person who asked, please.

15

BronwenBarry, UK
#10

Nora, thank you for that. It gives me somewhere to start from.

The thing nobody warned me about was that it comes back. Not steadily. In waves, months later, over nothing in particular.

4me too 8