Friends who have gone strange about it

Started 18 May 2026 · 14 replies · 85 hearts · read 1.6k times

OmarAmman, JO · 18 May 2026

2 months ago

Starting a thread on this because it keeps coming up in ones and twos: Friends who have gone strange about it

Practical question, and possibly a silly one.

The thing I have not been able to find anywhere is how people manage this when the week has no fixed shape at all.

The social side of this is harder for me than any of the logistics, and I have not found anywhere else where that is discussed practically.

The arrangements are the hard bit for me. Nothing medical has been difficult; the organising has been relentless.

Thank you. This circle has solved four practical problems for me already and I am hoping for a fifth.

OzrenZagreb, HR

My partner came to a family event with a prepared subject change and deployed it three times, and it was the kindest thing.

MapleToronto, CA

What I did not anticipate was how much better things got once I stopped managing everybody's feelings about it as well as my own.

6me too 2

RufusGuildford, UK

Here, reading, and glad you posted.

WrenFacilitatorLeeds, UK

Stepping in to say that asking for help with logistics is not a smaller kind of asking. It is most of what makes this sustainable.

NolwennRennes, FR

My body changed how it works and the household did not get a memo. Working that out took about a year of small friction.

7me too 6

RuaridhFort William, UK

Picking up Wren’s point rather than starting a new one.

Coming back to say we are fine, that it took about eighteen months, and that the conversation I dreaded most was the one that fixed it.

TeganNewport, UK

Nolwenn has already said most of this and I want to add the one part that was different for me.

I would say pick one person to be honest with completely. Mine was my brother and having one person who knows everything has been enough.

ObiLagos, NG

The friction in our house was almost entirely about the changed evening routine rather than about anything medical.

NikitaYerevan, AM

What helped was one honest conversation where I said what I actually needed rather than expecting him to notice.

OssieWolverhampton, UK

#10

Tegan said something I want to sit with for a second.

We used to eat together in a particular way and that changed, and neither of us said anything about it for months.

BessLouth, UK

#11

The hardest conversation was about money, because this costs and we share a budget and I had been quietly not mentioning it.

OmarAmman, JO

#12

Saying it out loud helps other people say it too. Thank you.

WrenFacilitatorLeeds, UK

#13

If you come back later and say what you actually ended up doing, that is the post the next person reads. Threads that stop are the ones that leave somebody stranded.

MapleToronto, CA

#14

Somebody here said that you do not owe anybody an explanation, including people who love you, and I have leaned on that repeatedly.