How I asked my partner to stop commenting

My sister started too, six months after me, and it has been unexpectedly lovely to have somebody in the house who understands.

My family's reaction was the hardest part and I have had to accept that some of them are not going to come round.

What I would say is that telling people is a separate decision from doing it, and you can take as long as you want over the first.

Adding a name to the list of people this helped.

I asked him to stop commenting, once, clearly, and he did, and I had spent four months building up to a two-minute conversation.

We used to eat together in a particular way and that changed, and neither of us said anything about it for months.

What helped was one honest conversation where I said what I actually needed rather than expecting him to notice.

Marking that I am here, in case that counts for anything today.

Something I did not expect was how much of our relationship had been organised around food, and how much we had to rebuild.

Something practical: I told my partner exactly what would help during a difficult week, in advance, in writing, and it worked.

I hid the box for six weeks in a two-bedroom flat, which is ridiculous, and it was about shame rather than about him.

My body changed how it works and the household did not get a memo. Working that out took about a year of small friction.

Coming back to say we are fine, that it took about eighteen months, and that the conversation I dreaded most was the one that fixed it.

That is a kinder way of putting it than I have managed about myself.