We used to eat together and now we do not

Started 27 August 2024 · 18 replies · 219 hearts · read 4.4k times

OzrenZagreb, HR · 27 August 2024

1.9 years ago

Starting a thread on this because it keeps coming up in ones and twos: We used to eat together and now we do not

The logistics of this are defeating me more than the medicine is.

I have a specific situation coming up and I would like to plan for it properly rather than improvising on the day, which is what I did last time.

Practical question, and possibly a silly one, but the logistics of this are defeating me considerably more than the medicine is.

If anybody has an arrangement that works and is willing to write it out, I would be very grateful.

OmarAmman, JO

My children noticed before my partner did, which says something I am still thinking about.

WrenFacilitatorLeeds, UK

Two things, both boring. Nobody here can tell you what to do about your week. And describing your own week is genuinely useful to somebody planning theirs.

25me too 5

BessLouth, UK

Ozren — taking your question as you asked it, because I think the thread has widened it.

We renegotiated who cooks and it has been better for both of us, entirely separately from any of this.

RufusGuildford, UK

Here, reading, and glad you posted.

ObiLagos, NG

The thing that changed our house was me being honest about the tiredness rather than pretending I was fine and then being short-tempered.

6me too 1

RuaridhFort William, UK

I would gently say that a partner's worry is usually love with nowhere to go, and asking them what they are actually worried about often unlocks it.

CormacWaterford, IE

What surprised me was that the person I expected to be difficult was supportive and the person I expected to be supportive was not.

OssieWolverhampton, UK

Obi has already said most of this and I want to add the one part that was different for me.

My mother cooks as an act of love and my appetite changing felt to her like a rejection, and naming that out loud helped both of us.

NolwennRennes, FR

The friction in our house was almost entirely about the changed evening routine rather than about anything medical.

NikitaYerevan, AM

#10

I would say pick one person to be honest with completely. Mine was my brother and having one person who knows everything has been enough.

MapleToronto, CA

#11

Nikita has already said most of this and I want to add the one part that was different for me.

Something I got wrong was expecting my household to adjust without being told what to adjust to.

OzrenZagreb, HR

#12

What helped was giving my partner something to read, so that the explaining was not all coming from me at eleven at night.

OmarAmman, JO

#13

The hardest conversation was about money, because this costs and we share a budget and I had been quietly not mentioning it.

TeganNewport, UK

#14

Gently disagreeing with Maple, or rather adding the other half of it.

I found that other people's questions got much easier once I had one short prepared answer that I used every time.

11me too 9

BessLouth, UK

#15

My experience is that families adjust more slowly than individuals and that the adjustment does eventually happen.

RufusGuildford, UK

#16

Somebody here said that you do not owe anybody an explanation, including people who love you, and I have leaned on that repeatedly.

WrenFacilitatorLeeds, UK

#17

Speaking as a facilitator: the person who asked wanted company for a difficult week rather than a plan, and the thread has given both, in that order.

RuaridhFort William, UK

#18

Something practical: I told my partner exactly what would help during a difficult week, in advance, in writing, and it worked.