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Under 30

Dating and not wanting to explain

Started 9 April 2026 · 12 replies · 70 hearts · read 751 times

TildaCambridge, UK · 9 April 2026
3 months ago

Dating and not wanting to explain Writing it down partly to work out what I actually think.

The logistics of this are defeating me more than the medicine is.

I have a specific situation coming up and I would like to plan for it properly rather than improvising on the day, which is what I did last time.

I have worked out a system that mostly holds and there is one part of it that keeps failing, and I would like to hear how other people solved that part.

No hurry. I have a fortnight before I need to decide anything.

23

TorinBelfast, NI
#1

I moved cities and had to rebuild every arrangement, which took three months, and I would plan for that if I moved again.

6

GwenBangor, UK
#2

What I found is that being taken seriously at my age required me to be very organised in appointments, more than an older person would need to be.

7

KikiFacilitatorGlasgow, UK
#3

Stepping in to say that asking for help with logistics is not a smaller kind of asking. It is most of what makes this sustainable.

8me too 3

NyalaAddis Ababa, ET
#4

Kiki said something I want to sit with for a second.

Something that helped was writing down why I started, because at eighteen months I could not remember what my reasoning had been.

5

TallisEly, UK
#5

Nyala, thank you for that. It gives me somewhere to start from.

What helped was one friend who knows everything, which took me eight months to arrange and has been worth all of it.

6

TobinCork, IE
#6

The thing I would flag to anybody young here is that the internet is very loud on this subject and most of it is selling something.

3

FlorrieBlackburn, UK
#7

My experience is that this has been straightforward medically and complicated in every other respect.

8

GabePhoenix, AZ
#8

I found the social side hardest. Everybody eating and drinking constantly and no interest in why I was not.

5

BarnabyWinchester, UK
#9

Gabe — yes, and the bit that took me longest to accept was the next part.

Something practical: everything I need fits in a small bag because I have lived in four places since starting.

6me too 4

NazneenDhaka, BD
#10

My experience of appointments improved enormously once I stopped trying to sound older and more organised than I am.

3

KikiFacilitatorGlasgow, UK
#11

A standing reminder rather than a correction of anybody: suggestions here often quietly assume a car, a spare afternoon or a household that can absorb the disruption. Several members have none of those, and it is worth saying what a suggestion assumes.

10

TorrinAberdeen, UK
#12

Somebody in this circle said the horizon is long and the decision is revisable, and that combination is what makes it manageable for me.

3